What takes a man from a solid ten and deems him un-datable? A deal breaker. Everyone has deal breakers. Now let’s be clear between DB’s and ‘preferences.’ Example. I prefer dark haired tattooed boys. Does this mean I don’t ever date blonde athletes? No. Could the ‘man of my dreams’ be a sandy haired surfer? Maybe. Don’t confuse preferences for deal breakers.

What is a deal breaker?

An instant “do not pass go, do not get a ticket to second base.” We’ve all had these moments of ultimate awareness, that split second revelation that he will not be our mister right. Yet, how many times have we continued to pursue someone even after this inner urging to bail while we still can?

Deal breakers are things you cannot compromise on in your partner.

The trouble is, most ladies aren’t aware of their own DB’s OR don’t realize their importance. Once a good-looking fellow in high-dollar cologne stumbles into their life, they suddenly begin re-writing their db’s.

…Oh, I know I said I wouldn’t date another guy who isn’t relationship oriented, but I can’t seem to find anyone else right now…I’ll just hang in there, maybe he’ll come around.

The last guy didn’t return my phone calls either, but I’m SURE, this guy has a valid reason…

Wake up ladies. Prepare yourself before you go into battle! Know what your DB’s are; and most importantly know why you can’t compromise on these. Fight for what you want. You can save yourself time, frustration, and heartache…and if your anything like me, I could use all the time, lack of frustration and absence of heartache a gal can get.

How to identify YOUR deal breakers.

Think about the last handful of gents’ you dated, and objectively look at why things ended up in splits-ville. Was it lack of empathy, poor communication, a struggle with infidelity?

Use your past failures to groom yourself for future successes.

Look for consistencies within your previous breakups, and use these as a foundation for establishing your DB’s. I found some surprising insight when looking into my relationship rubble, as I’m sure you will too. And secondly, when you decide on your DB’s, understand why. I don’t continue dating guys who don’t return phone calls/txts. It isn’t about a silly phone call, it’s about respect. This is important to understand because when you start to waiver on enforcing your DB’s, instead of thinking, “Well, I guess it isn’t THAT important that he returns my calls,” you’ll realize what your really saying is, “It’s ok for him to not respect me.” And really, that’s not ok. Communication represents respect and openness to me, without it, things won’t get off the ground in my world.

Make sure to know the root of why something is a deal breaker. If you take nothing else away, let that be it.

How to make deal breakers work for you.

Once you’ve determined what your ‘game over’ wild cards are, you then play them to your advantage. This is where trusting yourself will be your biggest secret weapon. Listen to your instincts, there’s a reason it gnawing at your gut.

If you drive down a road and abruptly the pavement ends and you soar off a cliff, (if you survive through it), you can bet your ass you’ll remember not to take that road again. That’s what deal breakers are in relation to your past. You’ve taken a path with someone who didn’t work out, and you know why, and you know it doesn’t work for you, so why would you take that path again? Common sense says you wouldn’t, but how many times have you dated the same kind of men? A lot more than I can imagine you want to admit.

DB’s are red flags, a wing man to your heart that says, ‘Forget about him pretty lady, been there, done that.’  Ninety-nine percent of the men you encounter will not be a tens-all-around fella, accept this. So quit pacing over losers who can’t return a call or text, he isn’t a catch worth keeping. If he doesn’t respect you, he’s drawn a deal breaker wild card and he’s game over.

Don’t see it as a disappointment; consider it a disaster intelligently avoided.

The world is overpopulated with men who aren’t your match. And when you snag a ten, you’ll laugh at all those nights you wasted over half-assed connections.

Determine your deal breakers. Use them to save yourself time, quit taking the same paths, driving over the same cliffs. Trust your instincts, and you’ll find a man who will take you places you’d never thought were possible.

Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Trust that you’ll find him. And when you do, he’ll be worth every asshole you had to step over to get to him.

We live in a culture that programs us to believe to get the guy we have to be flawless. Faultless body, great glowing teeth, and a to-die for wardrobe ripped right out of Sex and the City. Well, I’m here to tell you, that’s all bullshit.

Now this is assuming you’re wanting more than pillow talk and a Friday night quickie.

For the girls who want something real, something of substance, read on. Here’s four tips on how to increase your chances of attracting the right kind of man into your life to get you the relationship you really want.

1. YOU teach people how to treat you.

Seven words that will change your life.

It’s not as simple as, “put your foot down from the get-go” as my unyielding grandmother often touts, but in short, yes… it is that damn simple. I know this is a paradox, but don’t over think it.

Learn to respect yourself, and others will follow suit.

This ideal alone has changed my life. If you aren’t getting the respect and appreciation you deserve from men, take a look at how you are teaching them to treat you. Chances are, you may be sabotaging yourself and don’t even realize it.

2. If you don’t set your own boundaries, someone else will set them for you. If you don’t do intense make-out sessions on the first date (Yes, some gals are game that quick! Careful of the impressions your sending ladies!) then stick to your wits when he gets frisky. He’ll either admire you for respecting yourself and limits, or you can send his ass packing. He’s not worth your time, or squeezing into your sexy yet oh-so-uncomfortable jeans on a Tuesday night if he can’t register the importance of boundaries. Save those jeans for a Friday night, and a better date.

Boundaries are something you set for you. This isn’t about him. Stitch that nugget of wisdom into your brain, and standing your ground won’t be so tough next time, trust me.

3. If you want to be seen as a ten, you’ve got to start BELIEVING you’re a ten. You can’t sell yourself if you don’t believe in the product. Believe you’re worth working for, worth waiting for, worth turning down other women for, and he will too.

Learn to enjoy taking care of yourself. Be the best version of you that’s possible, mentally, physically, financially, through and through. Also understand that confidence will carry you farther than perfect teeth and flat abs ever will.  A banging body and veneers doesn’t peg you a ten, you’ve got to realize genuine men see through the façade.

If you don’t consider yourself a ten, do the work to get yourself there. You may need to reconstruct your belief system, your mindset, or your habits but to be a strong lady from the core will change your dating life forever.

Nothing looks better on a lady then confidence and class.

4. Embrace who you really are.

Get over chasing perfection, it’s naïve. Even the celebs in Hollywood still struggle with insecurities. Plastic surgery anyone?

It’s OKAY if you’re a jeans and tee gal, it’s a staple of who you are. If you can believe you’re beautiful in a tank and sweats, he will too. Chances are the quirks you find embarrassing, he’ll find endearing. Most of the time, we make things out to be a huge ordeal, when the guy wouldn’t have thought twice about it if we had shut our rambling mouths.

If you happen to still enjoy Saturday morning cartoons, collecting stamps, or have a raging I Love Lucy obsession, don’t hide it. Embrace it. If it really makes you feel silly, crack a joke about your goofy habit and move on. He’ll appreciate your humor and you won’t have concealed who you are. Once you feel more comfortable with him, you can revisit your quirks.

And let’s face it if the guys sticks around long enough, he’ll begin to see who you really are. Even the best actors break character eventually. Enjoy yourself and your quirks; find ways to unveil these mannerisms with a positive spin, even if they are a bit outlandish.

If he doesn’t embrace who you are, don’t change YOU…change who you’re dating.

Four simple tips, yet you’ll realize out in the real 9-5’er world they’re hard to implement. You want to fall back into your old habits of self-destruction and self doubt, but stick with it. The relationship you want is worth it, and if you don’t put yourself out there with a game plan, you may be blinded and miss out attracting what you really want.

Keep in mind, that fantastic fellow your searching for is out there dating all the wrong girls right now too. Every relationship you have will fail until you meet ‘the one.’ And I say that not to discourage you, but to inspire you to enjoy dating and the process. It will pay off, and in the end when things go right, and there isn’t a breakup and things just…work… it will be more intense and fantastic than you can even imagine.

Have faith in yourself, your relationships, and your ability to create the life of your dreams. You CAN have it all, but you have to decide what you want first…and then go get it.