Getting a relationship with a ‘tens-all around’ man isn’t rocket science. But it does take a conscience awareness of what you want and a game plan for attracting the men who possess these qualities.
We live in a culture that programs us to believe to get the guy we have to be flawless. Faultless body, great glowing teeth, and a to-die for wardrobe ripped right out of Sex and the City. Well, I’m here to tell you, that’s all bullshit.
Now this is assuming you’re wanting more than pillow talk and a Friday night quickie.
For the girls who want something real, something of substance, read on. Here’s four tips on how to increase your chances of attracting the right kind of man into your life to get you the relationship you really want.
1. YOU teach people how to treat you.
Seven words that will change your life.
It’s not as simple as, “put your foot down from the get-go” as my unyielding grandmother often touts, but in short, yes… it is that damn simple. I know this is a paradox, but don’t over think it.
Learn to respect yourself, and others will follow suit.
This ideal alone has changed my life. If you aren’t getting the respect and appreciation you deserve from men, take a look at how you are teaching them to treat you. Chances are, you may be sabotaging yourself and don’t even realize it.
2. If you don’t set your own boundaries, someone else will set them for you. If you don’t do intense make-out sessions on the first date (Yes, some gals are game that quick! Careful of the impressions your sending ladies!) then stick to your wits when he gets frisky. He’ll either admire you for respecting yourself and limits, or you can send his ass packing. He’s not worth your time, or squeezing into your sexy yet oh-so-uncomfortable jeans on a Tuesday night if he can’t register the importance of boundaries. Save those jeans for a Friday night, and a better date.
Boundaries are something you set for you. This isn’t about him. Stitch that nugget of wisdom into your brain, and standing your ground won’t be so tough next time, trust me.
3. If you want to be seen as a ten, you’ve got to start BELIEVING you’re a ten. You can’t sell yourself if you don’t believe in the product. Believe you’re worth working for, worth waiting for, worth turning down other women for, and he will too.
Learn to enjoy taking care of yourself. Be the best version of you that’s possible, mentally, physically, financially, through and through. Also understand that confidence will carry you farther than perfect teeth and flat abs ever will. A banging body and veneers doesn’t peg you a ten, you’ve got to realize genuine men see through the façade.
If you don’t consider yourself a ten, do the work to get yourself there. You may need to reconstruct your belief system, your mindset, or your habits but to be a strong lady from the core will change your dating life forever.
Nothing looks better on a lady then confidence and class.
4. Embrace who you really are.
Get over chasing perfection, it’s naïve. Even the celebs in Hollywood still struggle with insecurities. Plastic surgery anyone?
It’s OKAY if you’re a jeans and tee gal, it’s a staple of who you are. If you can believe you’re beautiful in a tank and sweats, he will too. Chances are the quirks you find embarrassing, he’ll find endearing. Most of the time, we make things out to be a huge ordeal, when the guy wouldn’t have thought twice about it if we had shut our rambling mouths.
If you happen to still enjoy Saturday morning cartoons, collecting stamps, or have a raging I Love Lucy obsession, don’t hide it. Embrace it. If it really makes you feel silly, crack a joke about your goofy habit and move on. He’ll appreciate your humor and you won’t have concealed who you are. Once you feel more comfortable with him, you can revisit your quirks.
And let’s face it if the guys sticks around long enough, he’ll begin to see who you really are. Even the best actors break character eventually. Enjoy yourself and your quirks; find ways to unveil these mannerisms with a positive spin, even if they are a bit outlandish.
If he doesn’t embrace who you are, don’t change YOU…change who you’re dating.
Four simple tips, yet you’ll realize out in the real 9-5’er world they’re hard to implement. You want to fall back into your old habits of self-destruction and self doubt, but stick with it. The relationship you want is worth it, and if you don’t put yourself out there with a game plan, you may be blinded and miss out attracting what you really want.
Keep in mind, that fantastic fellow your searching for is out there dating all the wrong girls right now too. Every relationship you have will fail until you meet ‘the one.’ And I say that not to discourage you, but to inspire you to enjoy dating and the process. It will pay off, and in the end when things go right, and there isn’t a breakup and things just…work… it will be more intense and fantastic than you can even imagine.
Have faith in yourself, your relationships, and your ability to create the life of your dreams. You CAN have it all, but you have to decide what you want first…and then go get it.
