What takes a man from a solid ten and deems him un-datable? A deal breaker. Everyone has deal breakers. Now let’s be clear between DB’s and ‘preferences.’ Example. I prefer dark haired tattooed boys. Does this mean I don’t ever date blonde athletes? No. Could the ‘man of my dreams’ be a sandy haired surfer? Maybe. Don’t confuse preferences for deal breakers.
What is a deal breaker?
An instant “do not pass go, do not get a ticket to second base.” We’ve all had these moments of ultimate awareness, that split second revelation that he will not be our mister right. Yet, how many times have we continued to pursue someone even after this inner urging to bail while we still can?
Deal breakers are things you cannot compromise on in your partner.
The trouble is, most ladies aren’t aware of their own DB’s OR don’t realize their importance. Once a good-looking fellow in high-dollar cologne stumbles into their life, they suddenly begin re-writing their db’s.
…Oh, I know I said I wouldn’t date another guy who isn’t relationship oriented, but I can’t seem to find anyone else right now…I’ll just hang in there, maybe he’ll come around.
The last guy didn’t return my phone calls either, but I’m SURE, this guy has a valid reason…
Wake up ladies. Prepare yourself before you go into battle! Know what your DB’s are; and most importantly know why you can’t compromise on these. Fight for what you want. You can save yourself time, frustration, and heartache…and if your anything like me, I could use all the time, lack of frustration and absence of heartache a gal can get.
How to identify YOUR deal breakers.
Think about the last handful of gents’ you dated, and objectively look at why things ended up in splits-ville. Was it lack of empathy, poor communication, a struggle with infidelity?
Use your past failures to groom yourself for future successes.
Look for consistencies within your previous breakups, and use these as a foundation for establishing your DB’s. I found some surprising insight when looking into my relationship rubble, as I’m sure you will too. And secondly, when you decide on your DB’s, understand why. I don’t continue dating guys who don’t return phone calls/txts. It isn’t about a silly phone call, it’s about respect. This is important to understand because when you start to waiver on enforcing your DB’s, instead of thinking, “Well, I guess it isn’t THAT important that he returns my calls,” you’ll realize what your really saying is, “It’s ok for him to not respect me.” And really, that’s not ok. Communication represents respect and openness to me, without it, things won’t get off the ground in my world.
Make sure to know the root of why something is a deal breaker. If you take nothing else away, let that be it.
How to make deal breakers work for you.
Once you’ve determined what your ‘game over’ wild cards are, you then play them to your advantage. This is where trusting yourself will be your biggest secret weapon. Listen to your instincts, there’s a reason it gnawing at your gut.
If you drive down a road and abruptly the pavement ends and you soar off a cliff, (if you survive through it), you can bet your ass you’ll remember not to take that road again. That’s what deal breakers are in relation to your past. You’ve taken a path with someone who didn’t work out, and you know why, and you know it doesn’t work for you, so why would you take that path again? Common sense says you wouldn’t, but how many times have you dated the same kind of men? A lot more than I can imagine you want to admit.
DB’s are red flags, a wing man to your heart that says, ‘Forget about him pretty lady, been there, done that.’ Ninety-nine percent of the men you encounter will not be a tens-all-around fella, accept this. So quit pacing over losers who can’t return a call or text, he isn’t a catch worth keeping. If he doesn’t respect you, he’s drawn a deal breaker wild card and he’s game over.
Don’t see it as a disappointment; consider it a disaster intelligently avoided.
The world is overpopulated with men who aren’t your match. And when you snag a ten, you’ll laugh at all those nights you wasted over half-assed connections.
Determine your deal breakers. Use them to save yourself time, quit taking the same paths, driving over the same cliffs. Trust your instincts, and you’ll find a man who will take you places you’d never thought were possible.
Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Trust that you’ll find him. And when you do, he’ll be worth every asshole you had to step over to get to him.
